Tuesday, October 16, 2007


The healing power of Stegosauruses, and other ephemera

Oh, my friends. Thank you for the support and logic in the comments, and above all for being there! I know I've got to stop prefacing every serious topic with "you don't have to read this if you don't want to." That's old, stubborn programming.

My anger is tempered with reason today. As was pointed out in the comments, my brother's inability to relate to his niece is because of his emotional immaturity. My daughter does understand that. Also, the way my family has always expressed caring is through giving gifts. That's nice in and of itself, but what they never have understood is that it's not a substitute for giving of one's time and attentiveness. I've taken pains to raise Michelle with different values, and I think what was coming to a head for me was this whole dysfunctional system I was raised in and which my parents and brother perpetuate. The longer it goes on, the more I feel like I'm forced to go along with something I don't agree with. Whatever. I'm just in a much better frame of mind today, and your reaching out had a lot to do with it.

Just as an update, I did get a phone call from my brother today. He apologized for having other plans for Saturday, and explained that they bought their tickets to this event months ago. He promised to send along a gift for Michelle. (see what I mean?) Realizing that I'd have an easier time changing the course of the Willamette River than changing this deeply entrenched dysfunctional family system, I just shrugged it off. I know Michelle is going to have a great time at her party, and that's what's important!

Knitting keeps me sane, and out of the casinos

I think I have a touch of the seasonal-affective disorder. I am dysthymic, which is just a consonant-rich way of saying I'm mildly depressed. I've been taking Effexor, and that med works pretty well. However, when fall comes and there's less light and warmth, the depression invariably becomes more pronounced until I get used to it. Today I knit up a little bit of happiness and made a Baby Surprise Jacket.

Because Blogger's being a booger and not letting me upload pics, I'll have to show you the whole jacket next post. But here's a Chickenlips Extreme Close-Up:

Yes, the buttons are wee Stegosauruses!! (It's hard to take closeup pics, but trust me, there is a darling little row of spikes along the back of each one.) One of the perks of working in a LYS.

I can think of nothing better than to concentrate on knitting something like the baby surprise jacket when you have to deal with a jerky brother. Unfortunately, you can't chose your family.
holy cow. those buttons are the best
mmm stegasauri...

Wish knitting would keep me out of the casinos! I went to knit night from 6-8 and then met husband at the local one and we stayed until 11:30! I did win back the money I spent in yarn- woo hoo! Though, something doesn't seem right about that.

After 40 years and finally someone who cares (the husband) I've learned to say screw the crappy family. They're so pathetic it's not even worth being mad at them. Glad you're feeling a little better. To me it's very much like the waves of grief one feels at a loss. They come in and fade but the next time they come in, maybe not so strong.
I second what they said and add- time wounds all heels.
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